58. Focused On Her Faith

Episode Transcript

Alisa Manjarrez: (00:00)
I’ve been trying to do 30 minutes of movement every day. And this woman at my doctor’s office actually is almost 80, and she actually changed the NCAA rule to compete in Division I sports at age 50 because a man saw her and thought she looked like a runner. She started running and then he said, “Can you swim?” And she said, “I think so.” And so he taught her how to do flip turns and she ended up doing triathlons. Is that what they’re called, when it’s running, swimming and biking? Okay. But the cool thing is, the reason why I’m sharing this and is that this woman just found out at age 50 that she was an athlete. And now at age 79, she trains every day like an Olympic athlete. She helps train other athletes. And she saw me and she was like, “What kind of exercise are you doing?”

Alisa Manjarrez: (01:00)
And I said, “I’m just walking.” And she’s like, “Okay, I’m going to put you on a plan.” So I don’t know. Just out of the kindness of her heart, she’s been helping me walk better and things like doing interval walks or having a rest day and walking on land, walking on grass, walking long distance, walking short distance. And I’ve just been trying all these things. And then I text her after I’m done and tell her if I liked it. And her big thing is you have to enjoy what you’re doing. Whatever kind of exercise you’re doing, enjoy it. And it has made it so fun to just my 30 minutes of movement has turned into this very athletic walking training routine. This year is my year to discover how fun walking can be.

Dr. Janice Stain: (01:53)
Well, I think it’s great. And the most important thing is that you enjoy it. You’re getting a thrill out of that, and that’s perfect.

Alisa Manjarrez: (02:02)
Yeah. I think I’m getting a thrill out of someone helping me do something that I thought was super basic. I’m curious. Have you had anyone inspire you to do anything exciting in your life that maybe other people think might think is normal, but you think it’s exciting?

Dr. Janice Stain: (02:20)
Well, my father. When I was seven, I wanted to be at doctor. I asked my mother, “Well, mom, why did I want to be a doctor when I didn’t see lots of women doctors or lots of black doctors?” And she said, “Your dad inspired you to do that. He thought you were brilliant and he told you that you can be a doctor.” And so my father inspired me at age seven, I guess. I get inspiration from lots of people. And you just inspired me by being so excited about walking. To see your excitement, it’s like electricity spreading. So you just encouraged me to stay on my track of trying to start lifting weights.

Alisa Manjarrez: (03:14)
When I think about you and movement, I think about the song Jungle Boogie.

Dr. Janice Stain: (03:19)
That describes me all the way, because it’s funny that you say that. I have these alarms on my phone. When one alarm comes on, I start dancing to it. But I have several alarms that go off in the morning about, four different ones, and I dance to the music that’s on them. It doesn’t matter. Moving and dancing and celebrating for no reason at all, that’s good.

Alisa Manjarrez: (03:53)
Okay. So today’s episode is all about doing what you want, how you want, however you want, when you want, and staying on track and staying focused on your goals. So let me introduce our listeners to both of us. I’m doing a solo episode today because Rosa and Dr. [Marari 00:04:18] are unavailable, but it is serendipitous because I have the pleasure of bringing my friend, my dance partner, my mentor, all the things to this episode.

Alisa Manjarrez: (04:38)
And before I introduce her, let me introduce myself. I’m Alisa Manjarrez. I’m a vision producer at The Happy Cactus. And when I was in high school, I was thinking about my dream wedding. Here I was, 15 years old, and I thought, “Who is going to be in my wedding?” And one of the people that I wanted to me in my wedding was someone that I actually worked for. It was Dr. Janice Stain because I just thought she was so cool. I don’t know if I ever told you this, Janice. But I was a babysitter for her girls, [Kristen 00:07:16] and Andrea, and just one night planning my wedding, I was like, “Well, who would be in it?” It was my friends, my other 15-year-old friends, and Dr. Stain. So it brings me great pleasure to now, I don’t know, 25 years later, to have you on as my special guest for the What Rules podcast. So welcome, Janice.

Dr. Janice Stain: (05:42)
That’s so beautiful that you would actually want me to be in your wedding. Oh my gosh. That is so funny. And no, I have never heard that story. So thank you. Thank you for sharing that. And I’m honored to be here. I’ve had the privilege of watching you grow from a teenager to this amazing woman with this never-ending smile on your face and just, I’m so proud of you and all the things that you’ve accomplished. And I’m just so honored to be here. So thank you for having me.

Alisa Manjarrez: (06:18)
Thank you. Yay. Okay. So you wear a lot of hats. You are a singer. You started the first gospel choir at Stanford University. You are a mother of two. Tell me about all the hats that you wear.

Dr. Janice Stain: (06:35)
I guess you say I wear hats. I say that I am one person that, like many of us, we have different gifts and talents and different leanings. First of all, I must say my faith guides me in everything that I do. And secondly, I am married to the most wonderful man. His name is Michael Stain. I’ve been married to him for 33 years. And number three, I have two lovely daughters, Kristen and Andrea, and they are beautiful and brilliant, and I’m proud of them. So I am their mother. And I’m a doctor. At least they say I am, or I’ve been pretending for 27 years. I practice obstetrics and gynecology. I love to sing, and I’ve done a lot of singing in church. But singing and music is a form of worship to the God that I serve. My core belief is that God created us all. He is the master artist and He created us all as masterpieces. And so we are all fashioned in a particular way for a particular purpose. And so I guess that spells out what you said. I wear many hats.

Alisa Manjarrez: (08:12)
Yes. Your days are full. You serve a lot of women as a doctor in a very important role. But we’re actually not going to go in that direction today because I want to pull back the curtain and figure out the magic behind all that is you. You are such an interesting person because people tend to see you as someone in the spotlight, but you’re very much spotlight-averse, and you’re a very private person. And even getting you to be on a podcast is like, “Well, how much do I want to share?” And I think it’s because you don’t pay attention to what other people care about. Whereas some people might care about the way they’re being perceived, you’re like, “Well, I’m just going to be me.” And I want to know, is there a time in your life where you weren’t sure about being you?

Dr. Janice Stain: (09:13)
I will say that one of my brothers… By the way, I have nine brothers and sisters. There are 10 of us. And I will say that I have a great family. My siblings are just brilliant and creative people. And he told me when I was about eight years old, he said, “You are very gifted.” And he said that sometimes, people can have a tendency to not be able to figure you out or resent you just because of your gifts. And he told me to just be myself. And I grew up in a family where I was very loved by our parents. In fact, our parents loved us such that each one of us felt like we were the favorite.

Alisa Manjarrez: (10:03)
That’s amazing.

Dr. Janice Stain: (10:05)
It is amazing. 10. And in fact, our sweet mother just passed away in October. She had a six-year battle with B-cell lymphoma. And she made each one of us feel very special. We were all unique in our own way. And because I grew up in a household like that, being affirmed and loved, I think I had a confidence, not a… I wouldn’t say it’s an arrogant confidence. It was, I know that I’m loved. And even my relationship with Jesus Christ, there’s such a security in knowing that God loves me. Why would I need to compare myself with other people? The creator of the universe has already created me as a masterpiece. And that means I have my own plan and my own path. So I don’t have to look around at other people to see what they’re doing, what’s the new fall color. All I have to do is walk my own path and be who I am and do what I think I should do.

Alisa Manjarrez: (11:24)
Well, I think that’s probably one of the reasons why I need you in my life, because my journey of The Happy Cactus has been all about me sticking to my own path and creating it and not paying attention to the shoulds. And for those of you who are on the audio, I’m like, I have my hand up like one core branch, and then all the other little branches that come out. This is my ongoing battle, me thinking I need to build a business a certain way, or I need to live my life a certain way, or I need to do something because I think I should.

Alisa Manjarrez: (12:04)
And I created a Happy Cactus to remind me that as long as I can stay rooted, I can create and go even if it looks weird, even if it’s not what people expect, or even if it’s not what I expect, I can forge my own path, but it’s a journey for me. And I think I need people like you, who will always bring me back, bring me back to my roots, bring me back to my, and give me the permission to forge my own path.

Dr. Janice Stain: (12:39)
If you can extract a bit of inspiration from me, I’m glad. That touches my heart because you inspire me. I mean, when I started writing music and singing and started doing CDs, you are the one who inspired me before Happy Cactus had a name. You started this process with me and you were the perfect person. You set up my website. I was doing a little blogging. Gee. I am not a technical person, but you knew how to do all of that. And you helped me get started. I still have the website, which I hope to become more active on it in the near future, again, especially with my music. But you started that. So wow. And I don’t know. That must have been 10 years ago, maybe. I’m thinking 2011.

Alisa Manjarrez: (13:39)
Yeah. I remember I got you the best photographer I knew, the best copywriter, the best web developers because I was like, “This is for Janice. We have to make it good.”

Dr. Janice Stain: (13:50)
Yeah. Well, you did a fantastic job and I’m so happy with it. I still love it. And that’s because of you. You did that. And I can say thank you for that. Yeah. I just think that because I know what my calling is. And what is my calling?

Alisa Manjarrez: (14:11)
I was just going to ask you. I’m like, “Is it to be a doctor? What is it?” I mean, we were talking about all the things that make you you, and it seems like all of those things are your calling.

Dr. Janice Stain: (14:21)
It’s interesting how we can look back. Okay. We just looked back at you, Alisa. 10 years ago, you were doing The Happy Cactus with me.

Alisa Manjarrez: (14:33)
I was. Mm-hmm (affirmative). Producing your vision.

Dr. Janice Stain: (14:36)
Right. Okay. I could cry right now, but I’m going to hold my tears back. 10 years ago, you did that with me. And now I’m looking way back when I was in college. I made up this little mantra that I was concerned about five Ms in my life. It was not in order, okay? I’m just going to name them.

Dr. Janice Stain: (15:06)
Ministry, medicine, music, marriage, one day, motherhood. I had all these things, these goals, just like you were when you were 15, thinking about putting me in your wedding. I had all of these aspirations. And here I am years later, and all of those have come to fruition, but they were already in the works way back then. And that is because God knows us from before the foundation of the world. I believe that. I walk in that knowing that as long as I keep my eyes on Him, the purpose and calling in my life will be fulfilled. There’s even a verse in the Bible that says, “You will fulfill your calling and purpose for Me.” And that means that you as God will do that. So okay. So this is the setup. So everything that I do, every decision I make stems from that.

Dr. Janice Stain: (16:16)
So what is my calling? My calling is to love God and to love people in the way that He made me. So you can call me a doctor, a mother. I’m a person and I’m called to love people no matter who they are, where they walk, what they do. I’m called to love people. I felt like God whispered in my ear, “Do not put your career before your family.” So every decision I made while I was practicing medicine, loving on patients, I knew that I had to set parameters so that I can be a full and present mother. My daughters, they did not suffer because I had a wonderful medical career, because I wasn’t around. No, I was around. And because God knew that desire to be a great mom was in my heart, He also made sure that I had jobs that was consistent with my calling as a mother. It didn’t conflict.

Alisa Manjarrez: (17:31)
Do you think that’s what helped you become “successful” in your medical career because you had your eye on the prize? And it wasn’t necessarily to be the best doctor, but you have very high standards for yourself. So you probably were the best doctor, but you had this balance that you were striving for.

Dr. Janice Stain: (17:57)
I think you achieve balance by having the right priorities according to your calling and according to who you are. For example, I was able to take good care of the patients I saw, do surgeries when I needed to, be on call when I needed to. But it was so amazing because I would usually do all of those things within three days. I would have extra days during the week where I could be at my daughter’s school to go be room mom, to read to the kids, and to go to track meets, and be at all of those events. And so I was a better doctor because I wasn’t torn trying to decide between the two.

Dr. Janice Stain: (18:48)
A lot of colleagues of mine, a lot of times, they’re torn between their calling, between medicine and being a mother. Well, if what gives you peace is working part-time, doing fantastic job taking care of those patients, and then being able to be with your family, if that brings you peace, that’s success.

Alisa Manjarrez: (19:14)
And your patients probably feel it too.

Dr. Janice Stain: (19:16)
I’m present when I’m with my patients. I’m not thinking about, “Oh, I should be at home with my children.” It’s because I get to see my patients and then I still get to be home with my children. Sometimes, we have to make choices that are consistent with our calling.

Alisa Manjarrez: (19:35)
I was just going to say, you chose that life. You could have easily been fully there for your career and not present for your girls, but it’s a choice. And you chose to prioritize being a mom. You really structured your life in a way where you could truly have it all. That’s the big question. Can you have it all? Yes, if you choose to.

Dr. Janice Stain: (20:04)
Even earlier in my career, I was asked to be on boards. Hey, people like to have to titles. They like to have things on their resume. What I would do is look at what I was presented. And if it was not consistent with my being able to be a fantastic mom and to practice good medicine, my answer was N-O, no. No is one of my favorite words back then, because I have my saying that I created for myself was my first answer is no unless there’s a reason for me to say yes. It’s not negative to me because sometimes saying no will open the door later to a greater yes and the perfect yes. God has given me a lot of peace and contentment because I was able to say no at the right time and keep my priorities straight.

Alisa Manjarrez: (21:05)
I’m wondering if people listening are going to be like, “Oh, but you’re a doctor. You can choose your own schedule.” A lot of times people think, “Well, I don’t have a choice. You might have had a choice, but I don’t have a choice.” And when I was in a full-time job, I worked… I was working from home before everyone worked from home… or not before, but before the whole world shut down. And I made a choice to work too much all the time. I would sit at my desk for 12 hours a day because I thought I had to prove myself, or I thought I had to get things done. I was really bad at boundaries, and my relationships started to suffer. No one asked me to work that hard. No one did. Only I did. I put that on myself.

Alisa Manjarrez: (21:55)
And it’s not necessarily about the hours of the day that you’re putting towards your work or your family or any other obligations. What I’m hearing is it’s more about the intentions that you’re setting, and then you’re making sure that your life fits those priorities and those intentions. So that you could have easily said, “I’m going to work four days and then be with my girls two days,” or, “I’m going to work two days and be with my girls four days,” that scheduling stuff doesn’t really matter. I think it’s all about making sure you actually know what you want no matter what your career is and making sure you know your priorities and working towards them.

Dr. Janice Stain: (22:42)
Right. Your intentions. What is the goal? I wanted to be with my girls because I wanted them to know that I love them and they’re my priority. And my calling, loving God and loving people, that includes my own family. That’s my first ministry to my own husband. I needed time with him. And he even gave up a lot of opportunities because of our family.

Dr. Janice Stain: (23:18)
When you talk about the other hat, the music, my dad was a pastor [inaudible 00:23:23] singing in the church. I played for the children’s choir, the youth choirs. All of my family was involved in that. And after I finished medical school and my life wasn’t working 100 hours a week, I was able to join a Bible study. And it was during that time when I had intimate time with Christ, quiet time. He began to give me songs. And those songs that I started writing and producing CDs came out of my relationship with Christ.

Dr. Janice Stain: (24:01)
And that was one of the other Ms, ministry. But ministry is not just singing songs [inaudible 00:24:07]. It’s loving on my family, loving on my patients, caring about the person that’s right in front of me. And so when I get up every day, I look at, “Okay, what I do that day, how is that going to affect all of those five Ms? What does God want me to do that day to fulfill that calling?” So I don’t know if that makes any sense, but yes, I’m intentional about all of those things. You were there for them always and still.

Dr. Janice Stain: (24:37)
And Alisa, I have to say something. I might be kind of going in two different directions, but I want to say that you have a wonderful work ethic. I love that you could spend 12 hours working. And I love that you figured out that that wasn’t necessary. I think knowing how to work hard is outstanding. You have to get it done sometimes. But you have to also learn how to rest. And that is also, which I think even in the Bible, God says, “You have to work at learning how to rest.” Isn’t that amazing? He knows us. He knows how we are as human and beings. And he knows that we’ll just work and work and try to prove and do and do and do. But He says, “No, just rest,” because Alisa, He knows that we forget that He’s in charge and He is going to fulfill our purpose for us.

Alisa Manjarrez: (25:49)
Yeah. You have the God of the universe, a supernatural force equipping you, keeping you safe, securing your future, securing your path. And when you walk along that, knowing that you are not alone even when you feel it, even if it feels hard. You are being carried through that time. It is a different type of strategy that goes against what you hear a lot.

Dr. Janice Stain: (26:23)
Very good. The word that came to me while you were saying that… you hit it right on… is dependence. In everything that I have said, the underlying base is that I am dependent on God. That verse that may be familiar to other Jesus followers is, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Basically, I can’t be a great mom, a great doctor, a great anything, a great wife, without God’s strength, His grace, Him strengthening me. That is exactly it.

Alisa Manjarrez: (27:04)
And I think when I asked you, “What’s one rule you’ve broken along the way in your journey, in your career, in your life?” You told me, “I do what I need to do for my life,” and a huge piece of that is your dependence and reliance on God. And it is very countercultural to how we are trained as society. And even in a career podcast like this one, it’s just not… If Dr. Marari here… that’s her favorite verse, by the way… she would be all about that. But it is just I think it’s so important to hear stories like yours because we can see you on the outside or people who know you think that you… Maybe they think that you have it all together or you have all the answers. You’re a Stanford graduate. You’re a very successful black doctor. You have all these things. And the point of sharing your story is to hear what keeps you going and what actually keeps you in the zone and what your source is. And over and over in this podcast, you’re like, “God, God, God.” And that’s your secret sauce.

Dr. Janice Stain: (28:31)
It is. It’s the sauce that keeps me going. It fills my heart and soul with laughter, and that’s why I dance to the music. Really early in the morning, when I hear my alarm go off, I literally stop and dance. And it gives me joy. I know that when I get up, that’s one accomplishment. When I choose to put on my clothes, shower, get ready for work and go to work and make a difference, just to be, just to be whatever I’m to be that day, I know it’s because the strength of the Almighty God is giving that to me. It’s not going to work for me any other way. I don’t have to worry about what anybody says what I do. I know who I’m serving and I know why. And so it makes me say yes when I should say yes. It makes me say no when I should say no. Even when I’m troubled, I call to Him. And Jeremiah says, “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you things.”

Alisa Manjarrez: (29:48)
Oh my goodness. My mom, she texts all my friends every time she gets their phone number and she’ll say, “Hey, do you want to know God’s phone number?” And then she gives them that verse.

Dr. Janice Stain: (29:58)
And she gives them that verse? She’s right on. At any given moment, when you’re in trouble, when you’re having a hard time, when you’re discouraged, when you want to give up, you just say, “Hey God, you said I can call you. You said that you’re my ever-present help in time of trouble. I need you right now.” That’s really what it’s all about.

Dr. Janice Stain: (30:24)
I have the same old story. Sometimes, I see people and they’ll say what’s new with me. Alisa, I really… Hey. I can tell them that today is brand new and that God is always doing a new thing, but you know what? I have of the same wonderful story. It’s still all about Jesus. And He’s still with me. He’s never left me.

Dr. Janice Stain: (30:50)
So what’s old is new and God is the same today, yesterday, and forever. He’s the same that was with me when I was seven wanting to be a doctor, even though I didn’t see any black women or black doctors. Somehow my dad inspired me. And my mom said, “He told you, you could do anything.” And so here we are. Here we are.

Alisa Manjarrez: (31:21)
That’s awesome. I’ve said this a few times, but I’m a Christian. I love God. But I get distracted. So yeah, but you are just like, your steadiness is your strategy and your consistency is your strategy. And I’m using the word strategy intentionally because that’s really what this podcast is about. We want to hear from other successful women to hear like, how are they doing it? How do they get up in the morning? And we literally heard how you get up in the morning. You set four alarms and you dance and you thank God for the day.

Dr. Janice Stain: (32:00)
That alarm wakes me up. And I go, my first thing I do is I meet with God. And we have our meeting, thanking Him and being grateful and praying about any concerns that I have. Reading His word is really taking Him in. He is His word. And so I have held on and hugged and held onto that book for many, many years. And I will continue because every time I read, I discover something new every day. And so Jesus is my anchor. His word, having time and prayer every day, that anchors my day. And then once I leave that quiet place of having time… You can call it meditation. That’s what it is.

Dr. Janice Stain: (32:48)
I meditate on His word. I think of Him. I pray. I pray for people who are sick. I pray for situations in the world because prayer does make a difference. And then once I’m anchored, put my anchor down that day, I just get up. Then another alarm goes off. I dance. And then another alarm comes on. I’m dancing. And then the day is on. But I fueled myself up. It’s like having and a really good breakfast, but it’s a spiritual breakfast. And I think those things matter. It matters for me.

Alisa Manjarrez: (33:35)
Want to know how breaking the rules can help you level up your career game? So What Rules podcast on any social media platform and join our members only group on LinkedIn, where we discuss rule-breaking strategies for multicultural women. What Rules is a production of Color Forward? The show is produced by me, Alisa Manjarrez, with editing and fabulous sound design by [Mather de Leon 00:33:58]. Visit colorforward.com for more stories, events, and of course, all the episodes of What Rules.