62. Owning Your Achievements

Episode Transcript

Alisa Manjarrez:
Okay.

Rosa Santos:
All right.

Merary Simeon:
Introduce yourself, Rosa.

Rosa Santos:
What are you the most proud? Oh, sorry. See I’m jumping now.

Alisa Manjarrez:
Oh yeah. Oh, you’re ready to go.

Rosa Santos:
I’m ready to go.

Alisa Manjarrez:
Tell us why don’t you kick us off with the episode and then I’ll introduce us after. What’s your question?

Rosa Santos:
My question is what are you guys the most proud of? Or what is the one achievement?

Alisa Manjarrez:
Like a work achievement?

Rosa Santos:
Yeah. Let’s go to work achievement.

Merary Simeon:
Let’s do both.

Alisa Manjarrez:
Merary’s like, “I have so many.”

Rosa Santos:
Oh that’s right. Yes. See we can’t wait with Merary. Sorry.

Alisa Manjarrez:
Let’s make everybody feel bad about themselves by starting with Dr Merary.

Merary Simeon:
Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Okay. So I’ll pick two. So the first one, obviously being a doctorate. It’s a huge achievement for me, but honestly my biggest achievement was being able to have the courage to do something different and unknown. So to me, that is my biggest achievement because I feel I continue to do that. I continue to do different things and unknown to me or family, or even some of the people around me. And then I would say from a personal perspective is continuing to put my health first. That’s not easy. It’s a struggle every day, but I’m proud out that I continue to somehow, some way, sneak it in and prioritize it.

Alisa Manjarrez:
Love it. I think personally, my biggest achievement has been a continuous journey of self-reflection and working on myself through getting coaching, reading books. Right now I’m taking a course about all the positive thoughts and all the negative thoughts and how to navigate the world. And it’s a lot of work to work on yourself. And then from a work perspective, I think definitely going out on my own. When I got let go of my corporate job, I could have easily gotten another position. I have all the qualifications, but I decided to try something else. It took a year for it to become the Happy Cactus and now I’ve pivoted again, but I think just being able to take risks with my finances. I’m really proud of that.

Rosa Santos:
You’re such an inspiration, Alisa, because it is true. I mean it’s not easy and funny because this is a hard topic for me. The way that I was raised, it was not necessarily to showcase how wonderful you were. Even though I didn’t grow up with a religion, I think I have a very protestant ethic to work. It was very much instilled in me that you just work and you do it and you continue rather than-

Alisa Manjarrez:
Stop and celebrate?

Rosa Santos:
Celebrate or sharing or feeling proud. So when you said that, I was thinking one of the things that I guess I’m the most proud of and it was at the time when I met you, Alisa, was going back to school again to do another Master’s degree. And really in the process of doing that is when I had my son and I quit my job as well. And not having that sense that you’re going to have an income while you have so many things to figure out and take care of. That was very scary, but then it kind of pays off.

Rosa Santos:
And I’m really proud of that. I’m also proud of, I would quote Aetna here, of the why not, of doing a lot of why nots without a lot of support of many people. And just sometimes moving countries, changing companies. Really enjoying the progress of growing and growth through various experiences. I think that ability of being able to pivot and flex and adapt and that resiliency. That’s one of the pieces I probably I feel the most proud of. It’s like throw me anywhere. I’ll figure it out.

Merary Simeon:
No. That’s huge. It’s interesting because I was reading an article by Dr. Teresa Ambabile, a professor at Harvard Business School. And one of the things that she mentioned is how important it is to celebrate your achievements. Even if nobody else is celebrating them for you. So that intrigued me to read on. And basically her whole point is that when you give yourself recognition, you can still enjoy major psychological benefits from celebrating your achievements. The research, I guess, has been showing that whenever you celebrate those achievements, just you’re self worth, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t have to be huge like going to school. It could be something as I exercise for five minutes today. Your brain actually takes those feelings and it helps you accomplish more because it becomes almost like an addiction. Ooh. I want more of that.

Alisa Manjarrez:
You’re rewiring your brain.

Merary Simeon:
Yes. You’re rewired.

Alisa Manjarrez:
Yeah.

Merary Simeon:
Absolutely. And especially because our brains are… we are taught to look at problems. Well, your brain is kind of wired that way for survival reasons. But being able to not wait for somebody to celebrate your achievements is huge. Just reminding yourself, you know what? I had a rough day today, but I still made it. That’s a huge achievement that still tomorrow will help you get up and go forward and have bigger successes.

Rosa Santos:
It’s interesting putting it that way. Because I think we talk amongst ourselves quite a bit around how you start your journey for change. And we always say put one foot in front of the other and see what path you carve. But what you just said is that if within each step you don’t celebrate the micro achievements. Even if they’re to the eyes of anybody else, they’re not that important, but they are for you. Then that helps you and propels you to take the next step that at the end of the day will build that yellow brick pathway to achieve your goals or the vision that you have for yourself. I like that. I like that quite a bit.

Merary Simeon:
And as you think about from a multicultural women perspective, or just a women’s perspective, women are not typically recognized for their achievements. Whether it’s at work or even in their home. We do a lot of things that are taken for granted just by society itself so making it even more critical for you to own your power by complimenting yourself. The positive thing about it is you don’t have to wait for anybody else. We all know how difficult it is to receive compliments at work so start giving them to yourself. Change your narrative. Own it.

Alisa Manjarrez:
Well, let me introduce our episode because this is actually such an important conversation that we’re doing a two parter. We’re talking about owning your achievements. And this is with me, Rosa and Dr. Merary and then part two, we’re going to bring on a special guest who actually has no problems owning her achievements. But for today I want to dig a little bit deeper into what our own experiences are. And I am going to have us introduce ourselves because I think that’s a part of owning our achievements.

Rosa Santos:
No. Honestly, it’s so hard. It is so hard for me to actually talk positively about myself or just to say some of the things that I’ve done. So Rosa Santos, I am a mom. I feel very proud of being a mom. I’m a mom. I’m a partner. I’m a friend. I’m a sibling. I’m a daughter. And I enjoy helping others fulfill their visions for themselves, especially when it comes to women and multicultural women.

Merary Simeon:
Dr. Merary Simeon and I’m an activator of talent creating a world where multicultural women in positions of power are the norm.

Alisa Manjarrez:
Oh. Hey.

Merary Simeon:
That’s who I am and I’m sticking to it.

Alisa Manjarrez:
My name is Alisa Manjarrez. I’m a vision producer at the Happy Cactus. The latest project I’m working on is helping Fortune 500s tell their stories.

Merary Simeon:
That’s pretty awesome.

Rosa Santos:
Yeah. That’s it.

Merary Simeon:
Now, Rosa, you made me think of something when you mentioned that it’s hard because that’s how a lot of us were raised. Sometimes we have a difficulty accepting compliments, and in turn, making it difficult to really brag about achievements or forget bragging, just stating facts. At the end of the day, it’s a fact that you have achieved everything that you have achieved. So I guess my question to you, do you also have a hard time accepting praise for your achievements?

Rosa Santos:
Yes.

Alisa Manjarrez:
You know what, Rosa, I wish you were there because one day I got asked to give a speech on podcasting because I’m a podcaster. And I talked all about, at that time, our podcast was called Color Forward and I talked all about that and it was in a Toastmasters setting. And the feedback I got was most of the speech was about how in love with Rosa you are. They’re like, “We wanted to learn more about podcasting.” And I was like, “Oh, and Rosa, I met her in grad school and she’s like so cool.” It was like a love letter to Rosa.

Rosa Santos:
Oh. I want that love letter.

Merary Simeon:
Oh I love that.

Rosa Santos:
I do. I do want that love letter. No, but it is hard, but I tell you what the opposite of it is. And I sometimes really reflect upon this. I think the standards that I have for myself are very high and therefore, when somebody else praises you for an achievement, then for you, it’s yeah but I had to do it or that’s not an achievement. That’s what I was meant to be doing all along. It’s not healthy. And I’ll tell you why it’s not healthy. And I know it’s probably one of my biggest weaknesses is because then I have that such high standards for myself. I know I impose the same kind of high standards for others. And I have to get really hold of myself a little bit and grab and say, okay, is this for you?

Rosa Santos:
Are you projecting the way that you feel about something onto how you see others really fulfilling or performing or achieving or doing something that probably they would’ve chosen to do differently. And that can create a lot of conflict with people that you work with, or maybe people that you live with or with your children. And it’s something that really you need to stop and think about.

Rosa Santos:
I’ve come to realize that because it’s hard for me to accept praise. I don’t necessarily celebrate others in the way that I should. To the point that I have to come up with my own strategies to remind myself of doing that because naturally I won’t do it. And then I can come across as being either cold or that I don’t care, or I don’t see what others are doing. So it might be hard for me to accept it, but it’s because of that then I need to be really intentional and purposeful. So I don’t do the same for other people. And I see the successes in others and I celebrate it or I thank and praise for their achievements, successes and what they’re doing well. It continues to be a journey for me of learning and growth.

Merary Simeon:
No. That’s impactful because it doesn’t only affect you. People do not get to hear your achievements or when you minimize your own achievements, but it also impacts the people around you. So it is a big deal. This is the big, big topic and hence what we’re doing two episodes about it. But one of the things that I learned from it is that we have internalized for whatever reason, that when we talk about achievements, we’re bragging, but yet it’s so critical because then how do all the people get to know us? We all know research has says men will talk about their achievements, but women, for some reason, we tend not to do that. And one of the things that I’ve learned is that a lot of the times our strengths are so naturally to us that we devalue them. And it is only when those people are telling you, oh my God, you’re so good at this that you can recognize it.

Merary Simeon:
But if we’re so busy turning down those achievements or explaining them away. Like, “Oh yeah. But no, It’s nothing. I’ve been doing that forever.” You just minimize a top strength of yours and you’re basically telling your brain, “Don’t worry about that. That’s not important.” When, to your point Rosa, we have to be intentional to just say thank you and not explain it away, or really thank yourself or celebrate your own achievements so your brain can realize this is a strength and we got to go for more. “I’m good at this.” It’s critical. It’s definitely a topic that, I mean, I struggle with for a while. And to your point, I have to practice to make sure, “No. This is who I am.” I am not going to minimize it. And the more that I practice it, the more comfortable I feel.

Alisa Manjarrez:
In this course I’m taking it talks about the positives and negatives and being a high achiever is one of my, they call them, saboteurs. So it’s gotten me really far, but because I have these high standards on myself, it also pushes me back. And one of the questions that they ask you is, do you want to be pushed by fear or pulled by love? And so you can use all of those thoughts to push you. So me being high achiever, Rosa, Dr. Merary, all of us, we probably have that in us. And it gets you far and it gets you success. But if that’s the direction you’re going and you’re allowing your brain to move, you’re pushing it for fear. And what if you could open up your brain and rewire it to celebrate those successes and be activated and pulled by love? How would that change your daily life?

Merary Simeon:
I’ll take it any day, especially when negative thought or criticism impacts you four times more than a small win. So pulling yourself with love or pushing yourself with love. Just think about that. Do you love yourself enough? Do you love yourself enough to recognize your achievement?

Alisa Manjarrez:
And it’s a choice. You have to choose to love yourself, even when it’s uncomfortable and not natural. That’s why I made Rosa introduce herself because it takes practice and you have to. It doesn’t come easy to everyone and you have to choose, “I’m going to be positive and celebrate my achievements.”

Merary Simeon:
The only thing I would add to what you said is you have to love yourself, even if nobody else loves you around. Even if nobody else loves you have to do it for yourself. It would only make you that much better. And it also may make you that much better to be around because you will be more positive.

Rosa Santos:
What that actually make me think is especially in this era of the pandemic and generalized burned out. And also especially for those who have very high standards and they don’t take the praise easily or the breaks easily. I think it can get into a very downward spiral in which sometimes it might be really difficult to get out from.

Rosa Santos:
So I think what you guys are saying is critical. It really is critical. I think you said something Alisa like, “Oh, it comes easy to me because I’ve been doing this for years.” That means that you do that plus 4, 5, 10 other things, on top of everything. And then you move and you continue and you continue and you work and you work. And then that doesn’t mean necessarily that it’s going to bring you the rewards that maybe you are expecting because you’re working so hard and so much because for you doing certain things comes so easily. Rather than recognizing, you know what, that is very important. I’ve made this happen and therefore I need a break from it till I move into the next thing. Or I need to take a risk and break through to do something else because I already ticked on this one rather than to your point guys, capitalizing always on what my, it might be your strength may come easy, but it may not give you the rewards that you are looking for either.

Merary Simeon:
If I don’t speak up for myself or if I don’t celebrate my achievements, the world does not because we already know the reason why we started this podcast is because multicultural women voices are not heard. Their achievements are downgraded or not even looked at. So if we don’t do it, then who? We have to be intentional. We have to fight for ourselves. We have to fight for achievements and we got to celebrate them. Because at the end of the day, we’re doing them, we’re getting them. So let’s have a party and celebrate our achievements.

Alisa Manjarrez:
Want to know how breaking the rules can help you level up your career game? Search “What Rules Podcast” on any social media platform and join our members-only group on LinkedIn, where we discuss rule-breaking strategies for multicultural women. What Rules is a production of Color Forward. The show is produced by me, Alisa Manjarrez, with editing and fabulous sound design by Mathr de Leon. Visit colorforward.com for more stories, events, and of course, all the episodes of What Rules.