65. Breaking the Rules
Episode Transcript
Alisa Manjarrez:
You and I have both done a lot, but I would love to talk about your huge milestone achievement. You wrote a book. No big deal. Congratulations though. It’s amazing.
Dr. Merary Simeon:
Thank you. Yeah, no exciting news. So this summer, my book, Her Act, launched and it’s doing really well. It’s already a best seller and it’s really all about illuminating the steps that you can take to sustain the best version of you. So the title is Her Act, Activate Your Power on Locking Potential and Fulfill Your Purpose. Really exciting.
Alisa Manjarrez:
Congratulations.
Dr. Merary Simeon:
Thank you.
Alisa Manjarrez:
I’m so proud of you in so many ways, and I have dug into your book and I really like that it’s like you read and then you force your reader to think. And then you’re like, “Take action.” Don’t just read this passively. You got to put in the work.
Dr. Merary Simeon:
Yes. I thought it was very important, is to really help people figure out what it is that they need to do to take action, to have those practical solutions. And it starts with you at the end of the day. And a lot of the times we don’t know how to start, so I ask a lot of questions and it’s like, “Okay, what are you going to do about it? Now that you’ve read this, what are you going to do?”
Alisa Manjarrez:
And spoiler alert, you go deep. One of your first chapters is about forgiveness, and you have to list out the people you need to forgive. Okay, this is how we’re starting. Okay.
Dr. Merary Simeon:
It is a spoiler alert, but I thought it was so important because I truly believe that once you forgive, you can unlock just that power that you already have. So many of us don’t even realize it, that it’s holding us back. I can’t tell you how many women have emailed me or text me, the ones that know me and have said, “I cried throughout the whole first chapter”, or, “You know what? I’m not ready to forgive, but I will get back into the book because I’m angry right now.” And I’m like, “I didn’t mean to make you angry.” But they were just like, ‘No, it’s in a good way.” It’s making them think of things that they was just putting away and they did not want to think about. But it’s helping them unlock and better themselves.
Alisa Manjarrez:
Yeah. It says a lot about your readers too, that they’re committed to themselves and to that growth and to do the hard work.
Dr. Merary Simeon:
Absolutely. Ultimately, I go back to it starts with you. You can read any book, you can have whatever changes in your life. But if you don’t make the change personally, if you don’t take action, it’s just another book that you read.
Alisa Manjarrez:
I’ve been saying lately that I have this new coaching style. I’ve been coaching a bunch of women lately, and my new coaching style is anger. And I never knew I had so much in me because I’m working with these women over and over again who are blaming other people for their own actions. And you’re right, we have to look at ourselves in order to move forward. You can’t just play the blame game with everybody else in your life.
Dr. Merary Simeon:
Absolutely. You can, but you’re just going to get stuck. You’re definitely not going to unleash your potential or even walk in your purpose. Even if it’s something that they did to you, that doesn’t excuse what they did, but it does liberate you to move forward and continue to move on. It’s just those things that were done to you no longer hold you back from your fullest potential, from your power.
Alisa Manjarrez:
That’s exactly what I was going to say. It’s so powerful to understand that whole process and see for yourself and take a look back. It’s hard and yucky.
Dr. Merary Simeon:
It is, but it goes back to one of our principles: Own your power. And that’s really what it’s all about.
Alisa Manjarrez:
So I would say for our listeners, if you want to own your power, if you want to get to that real stuff, I think it’s what, 19.95? It’s cheaper than coach or a therapist. Probably get a therapist once you read that first chapter because you’re going to need to talk through all of this work. But we will link it in the show notes for the people who are ready to go.
Dr. Merary Simeon:
It will be transformational for sure.
Alisa Manjarrez:
This is the What Rules podcast. We are here to showcase the multicultural women who have mastered the art of resilience, who are changing the face of leadership. And we don’t do seasons, but it’s almost like a new season. It feels new and fresh. And Merary, I would love for you to tell us who you are.
Dr. Merary Simeon:
Absolutely. My name is Dr. Merary Simeon, and I’m an activator of talent, creating a world where multicultural women in positions of power are the norm.
Alisa Manjarrez:
Dang. I do not get tired of listening to your intro. I personally make mine up every time we record an episode. I am an executive coach. I produce visions for other people. I love helping women maximize their true potential. And I am just really looking forward to the conversations we’re about to have in these upcoming months.
Dr. Merary Simeon:
I love it.
Alisa Manjarrez:
Well, speaking of breaking rules and owning your power and doing what you want, I want to take this opportunity to talk about a transition that we’re having with the Color Forward team and What Rules podcast. Rosa Santos, who is our resident leadership expert and co-host of the podcast, has decided to own her power. And really take a look back to reprioritize her life, her family, her wellbeing, and she is going to be advising us from behind the scenes, but we won’t hear her on the mic anymore. However, I want to ask you, Merary, what has been one of your favorite Rosa moments on this podcast? She’s contributed so much. She brought us together. She introduced us.
Dr. Merary Simeon:
That’s right.
Alisa Manjarrez:
Yeah. And we’re here because of her. Thank you, Rosa.
Dr. Merary Simeon:
Absolutely. No, there’s so many. But I would have to say that there’s maybe three. So one, when her and I first met and we talked about bringing Color Forward to life and we were just like, “Yes, let’s do this.” The second one would be introducing me to you because you just changed my life and I love you so much for that. And the one episode on the What Rules podcast, I would say is episode 23. And I love this about Rosa. She’s telling a story where she walked out of an interview.
Alisa Manjarrez:
Rosa, what do you think it means to own your power?
Rosa Santos:
I tell you what it meant to me once when I was interviewing for a job, and I didn’t like the question that they asked me, and I literally stood up and walked away.
Dr. Merary Simeon:
Really?
Rosa Santos:
I did!
Alisa Manjarrez:
You were at a job interview?
Rosa Santos:
It was at a job interview of a job that I really, really wanted. The line of questioning wasn’t really related to the job itself. And by the time it got to, “Are you planning to have kids anytime soon?’, I said, “What does that have to do with the job at hand?” And the three men that were interviewing me looked at each other. And then I said, “Okay, I guess it doesn’t. So therefore, probably I’m not the candidate that you want.” And I stood up. “Thank you very much. It was a pleasure to meet you.” And out I went. It was one of those moments that you realized that you’re doing it and you’re just like, “Am I doing this? Am I doing this? Oh yeah, I am doing this.” And I remember my high heels and clopping along. “Clop, clop, clop, clop.” My heart was beating so fast. “Oh my God”, I thought like, “What am I doing?” And then like, “This feels awesome.” And I walked away and I didn’t look back.
Dr. Merary Simeon:
Yes, girl! Know what you want so that you don’t have to put up with the things that you don’t want. And that has to be probably the episode that just has stayed with me because it reminds me to own your power. And it’s just like Rosa, to own her power. She’s like, “Yeah, I’m owning my power. I’m not putting up with this.”
Alisa Manjarrez:
And you know what you want and you go after it. And there are consequences. And sometimes those are hard, but you have to go through it. If you’re truly owning your power, it doesn’t mean you make decisions and everything is rosy and fun. It’s not easy to walk out of a room. It is not easy to say no, and it is not easy to say yes to yourself.
Dr. Merary Simeon:
Absolutely. I think that’s definitely one of the things that I admire, and it’s about owning your power. She will be missed on the podcast, but we are so grateful that we continue to still have access to her.
Alisa Manjarrez:
Her legacy continues as we talk about breaking the rules, how people break the rules, and that’s really what this episode is about today. We’re revisiting why we are here, which is all about helping women learn how to break the rules. We’re not talking about breaking the law or doing anything bad. We’re just talking about breaking the rules for yourself or whatever society expectations have put on you. You’ve broken a lot of rules. We’ve talked about it on this podcast. But what is something right now that’s super relevant to you? What is the number one Merary rule that you’re breaking today?
Dr. Merary Simeon:
Absolutely. And it goes back to the book, and let me tell you why. While 50.5 I believe percent of authors are women, the most common ethnicity among authors is white, at 79.5%. From a Latina perspective or Latinos, because I couldn’t find women, just Latinas, but only 7.2 are Hispanic or Latinos.
Alisa Manjarrez:
Well, that’s sad because there’s not even statistics on Latinas. All my women.
Dr. Merary Simeon:
I know. I would. I know. So as I continue to create what I want to see in this world, this is a rule that I’m breaking, because if you really think about it, 7% of authors are Latinos. That’s a tiny number. That’s a small number. So that for me is something that I’m doing right now. Because not only did I launch this book in the summer, but I’m working on releasing it in Spanish, because I felt that it was critical for our Latino community to also see people that are Latinos writing in Spanish. Not just books being translated in Spanish by the 80% who is non-Latino. So for me, that’s a rule that I’m currently breaking and really changing the game when it comes to what authors look like.
Alisa Manjarrez:
First of all, thank you on behalf of all Latinos, because that is amazing what you’re doing. And for our Spanish-speaking friends and colleagues and relatives, writing books is a way to leave your legacy and tell a story that lasts way beyond you. And you’re making that stamp on behalf of your community. And that’s amazing.
Dr. Merary Simeon:
It goes back to the things that you and I have talked about it before. It’s creating what we want to see and we got to take action. I go back to that piece. It’s like, “Okay, I know what I want, but now I have to take action”, because if not, then it just continues to be a dream and the stats don’t change.
Alisa Manjarrez:
Yeah, I know when you released your book, I had one of my clients released a book around the same time, and I was like, “Dang, I got to get on this book writing thing.” And now that you’re giving me these statistics, I’m like, “Oh, I have a responsibility here.”
Dr. Merary Simeon:
You too. Everybody that I talk to, I’m like, “Do it. Just go and write”, because there is a huge need in multicultural authors.
Alisa Manjarrez:
And especially in the areas of leadership and making a difference in the corporate world and all of that. I know your book doesn’t a hundred percent tackle all of those things, but it does address it. And you do have executive interviews in there. I hear a lot of people talking about why isn’t society different? But if we don’t have those voices, we’re not going to understand how to change.
Dr. Merary Simeon:
Absolutely. And it’s also about just people looking around and seeing people like them, seeing that it’s possible. So it doesn’t matter if your book is fiction or non-fiction. The issue is there’s a very small number of multicultural authors. So I think at the end of the day is for people to look around and say, “Hey, this is somebody that looks like me. This is a woman, this is a Latina. I could do this as she did it.” And it’s being able to provide that example of what can be done, what can be achieved, if you just take action. And start writing, Alisa.
Alisa Manjarrez:
I know. That’s a really cool rule to break. You’re breaking a big rule. I love that you chose a huge one to break.
Dr. Merary Simeon:
How about you? What rules are you breaking lately, Alisa?
Alisa Manjarrez:
For me, I’m going to get personal because this is ahas that I’ve had in the last week or so. I’ve realized in multiple areas of my life that I have been making accommodations for people who aren’t asking me to make accommodations for them. And I’m inconveniencing myself when I am not being asked to inconvenience myself. And I didn’t even notice I was doing it to be honest. And I finally had this aha probably this last weekend. Like, “Whoa, why am I bending over backwards and trying to change my life and change how I’m doing things for these other people?” To I don’t know if it’s to please them or I’m not really sure where it comes from.
But I realized in my relationships, and I’m talking about work and in personal, when I look back and think about not only what do I need in relationships, in a reciprocal relationship, but what do I want, and what makes me happy and gives me joy and gives me life and energy and all these things? So I’ve lately been taking a look at what do I want in these scenarios and what are the boundaries that I need to set, because obviously it has nothing to do with those other people. And so the rule that I’m breaking is to ignore the voices, the stories, that I’m making up in my head and actually live into what I want. And I think that goes back to owning your power as well. And it’s crazy because those other people don’t need to change. Just me.
Dr. Merary Simeon:
And I think that’s wonderful. I think being able to realize that it’s a breakthrough on its own. Being able to realize that, “Hey, it’s me. I’m the one that needs to change here.” And I go back and I talk about this in the book about respecting yourself enough to keep your own promises and to keep your boundaries and to keep yourself well. At the end of the day, all these actions that you’re taking, that is only going to help you and the people around you as well. So good for you. I’m so proud of you.
Alisa Manjarrez:
Thank you.
Dr. Merary Simeon:
That’s a big one. Especially because as women, we always want to please and we’re like, “Oh, let me make this better for them.” They never asked you for that, but we just want to go that extra mile. And there’s nothing wrong with going the extra mile. But when it’s affecting you, absolutely. I’m proud of you. Good for you. That’s a great rule break.
Alisa Manjarrez:
Thank you.
Dr. Merary Simeon:
Keep doing that.
Alisa Manjarrez:
When I had one of my ahas, I talked to my coach and I was like, “You know what? I’m going to cancel such and such event.” And she’s like, “How does it feel?” She was excited for me, and I was like, “I guess it’s uncomfortable, so I’m not as excited as you are. But give me a couple days to learn what it feels like to really own my power”, because obviously I’m not owning it enough if I don’t recognize it this quickly. Give me a couple days still. Next episode, I’ll be like, “Yeah.”
Dr. Merary Simeon:
It’s funny that you say that. I had dinner with this group of women the other day. I think I mentioned it to you. But this part that you just said reminded me of something. She’s a CEO for a huge company and she’s doing amazing things. She said, “I haven’t looked at my phone because I decided I’m going to take this afternoon off so that I could be here with all of you.” And she’s like, “And right now, I feel like I’m getting anxiety because I’m not looking at it. But this is something that I promised myself I needed to do.” Number one. Number two, the other thing for her is like, “I have a capable team. I have a badass team. I need to trust that they’re doing it.” It’s just we’re not used to it because we want to check in and say, “Okay, is everything going right?” So you just reminded me of that, that we got to be able to do more of that. And she said the same thing. She’s like, “I know it’s going to be fine, but right now I’m not enjoying it yet.”
Alisa Manjarrez:
It’s a little uncomfortable.
Dr. Merary Simeon:
So you’re in good company, Alisa. You’re in good company.
Alisa Manjarrez:
Thank you. So, okay, we’ve talked about a couple different ways to break the rules. We have Rosa literally removing herself from a situation that she does not want to be in. So there’s that type of rule breaking. Her rule breaking is leaving. Yours is moving forward. You broke the rule by writing a book and doing the thing. Putting in the effort, putting in the work. And then for me, the actions that I’ve taken are saying no and recognizing how to own my power, and figure out what I want and ask myself that. And even your CEO example, same thing. She stopped something. There’s like the moving forward or you can take a step back to break rules.
Dr. Merary Simeon:
And I think it’s all moving forward if you think about it, because even stopping doing something, or even Rosa walking away, she broke the rule to move forward into something that was good for her.
Alisa Manjarrez:
Stopping is a form of freedom. By stopping, you’re gaining and you’re walking into … She was literally walking into freedom in that moment.
Dr. Merary Simeon:
Yes. But just even think about you. You said you were going to cancel some things. You may not feel it yet, but you are actually walking forward into something else for you.
Alisa Manjarrez:
Totally. Yeah. For me, it gives me space. Now that those other things that are unnecessary for me are out of the way, I can do what is necessary. Maybe I can write a book now. I have a little more nose to say to get to that point.
Dr. Merary Simeon:
I think there’s a book about this, is when you say no, you’re actually saying yes to something. Even when you’re setting those boundaries, you’re setting those boundaries and saying no to this meeting, but you’re saying yes to rest, or you’re saying yes to mental wellbeing, or you’re saying yes to something else.
Alisa Manjarrez:
So powerful.
Dr. Merary Simeon:
And in Rosa’s case, she’s saying yes to freedom, even though she said no to the interview.
Alisa Manjarrez:
I think the question that you’re supposed to ask your clients is if you’re saying yes to this, what are you saying no to? Or if you’re saying no to this, what are you saying yes to?
Dr. Merary Simeon:
That’s right. It’s a wonderful question and one that I believe our listeners should ask themselves today. What are they saying no to, and what are they saying yes to?
Alisa Manjarrez:
I would also invite our listeners to ask yourselves: What rules do I need to break today to gain more freedom?
Dr. Merary Simeon:
And the only other thing I would add is once you figure out what is that rule that you need to break, or rules, take action, move forward.
Alisa Manjarrez:
Keep going.
Dr. Merary Simeon:
Yes. We can’t emphasize enough, because without action, you will not move towards your dreams. So take action. Know the rules that you want to break. And once you figure that rule out, and if you don’t know how to take action, I invite you to look through our episodes because I can guarantee you, we have someone that has talked about that specific rule. You’re not alone. You are not alone.
Alisa Manjarrez:
Want to know how breaking the rules can help you level up your career game? Search What Rules podcast on any social media platform, and join our members-only group on LinkedIn where we discuss rule breaking strategies for multicultural women. What Rules is a production of Color Forward. The show is produced by me, Alisa Manjarrez, with editing and fabulous sound design by Mather de Leon. Visit colorforward.com for more stories, events, and of course, all the episodes of What Rules.